21 May How to Have an Affair (Stuck and Lovin’ It!) Part 8

Last week we began discussing “9 Standards to be Stuck and Lovin’ It!” This week, let’s continue…

2. Pray over and with your spouse (I Pet. 4:7).

Every single day of our lives, Anne and I pray the Word over each other.  When you pray the Word over your spouse, it is like giving them a spiritual bath (see Ephesians 5:26-27).  Keep your marriage “clean” by daily speaking the promises of God over your spouse and your marriage.

Unfortunately, so many times spouses are the last to pray with each other!  My wife is my first and best prayer partner!  This may seem to be a bit off the subject, but let me ask you men a very important question:  Husbands, do you want to improve your sex life?!  (I believe I heard a resounding “Amen!”)  Statistics tell us that spouses who regularly pray together improve their sex life dramatically.  You see, God created spiritual intimacy to naturally lead to physical intimacy.  I have a feeling we may raise up a generation of praying husbands!

3. Don’t try to change your spouse…change yourself (I Cor. 11:28)!

Probably for the first 18 months of Anne’s and my marriage, I tried to change her.  I wanted her to be more logical.  I wanted her to be more like Judge Judy…only pretty!  (Isn’t it amazing we say we will love unconditionally…as long as you meet my conditions!)  After frustrating her and me, I decided to focus on being a better husband, not making Anne a better wife!  Remember this, sow change into yourself and believe God for a harvest in your spouse.

4. Men, support her need for companionship and communication. Women, support his need to conquer.

Sometimes spouses get into a vicious cycle that becomes hard to break.  He does everything he can to “capture” his bride.  He is romantic, affectionate, tender and on his best behavior.  He is thoughtful, considerate and even occasionally bathes!  Eventually he gets her to acquiesce and she agrees to marry “Prince Charming”.  On the wedding day, he has finally done it…he has conquered her!  Now he puts all of his conquering efforts into being a provider.  She still expects Prince Charming and all the romance he provided.  He’s now off conquering again…only it’s his new career!  She resents his new “mistress” and therefore hurt, she pulls back emotionally from him.  He, feeling rejected, in turn pours even more into his career.  The gap widens and the vicious cycle deepens.

How do we bridge this gap and break this cycle?  Meet each other half way!  Husbands, be more sensitive to her need for communication and companionship.  She likes your provision…but she loves you!  Give her more of what she loves…you!

Husbands, when communicating, learn these three very important words: “TELL ME MORE!”  Occasionally, when you are talking and she is giving you every detail known to man…you know the routine, “Her dress was blue and she had these beautiful red shoes on, and the sun was shining so bright that day and the birds were chirping”, etc. etc. etc. etc!  When every fiber in your being is screaming “For the love of God, woman, get to the bottom line!”, instead you say these three very important words, “TELL ME MORE!”  Seriously, help meet her need for communication and companionship!

Ladies, support his need to conquer.  God created him for accomplishment!  Meet each other half way when he comes home from work.  Ladies, give him some space.  Men, give her some time and some talk!

Next week we’ll continue our series on “How to Have an Affair!”