28 May How to Have an Affair (Stuck and Lovin’ It) Part 9
My four greatest “titles” in life are as follows:
- Child of God
- Husband of Anne
- Father of John
- Pastor of many
Did you notice that “Pastor” didn’t even make the top three?! In January of 2013, I entered into my 29th year of ministry and over those years I have seen and made a lot of mistakes. However, I am more determined than ever to not become another ministerial casualty. In the long run, Joy Church will never rise above my relationship with my Lord, my spouse and my child!
I frequently project myself into a successful future. At present, we have over 1,000 people who attend Joy Church. What if we have 2000, 3000, 4000, 5000, etc, etc? What if we have the largest church in Tennessee and my marriage fails or my child does not walk with God? Then the largest church in Tennessee means nothing to me! Because I went through a near death experience approximately 19 years ago, it doesn’t matter how big our church grows…I know what is truly important!
Over the last number of weeks, we initially examined the process of having an affair and in doing so, we could stop that snowball from rolling down the hill (II Cor. 2:11)!
12 Actions to Ascertain an Affair:
- Drift in your walk with God (Luke 10:38-42).
- Think it can never happen to you (I Cor. 10:12).
- Allow a little marital drift (Rev. 2:5).
- Allow attractive to become attraction (Job 31:1).
- Compare your spouse with another (II Cor. 10:12).
- Disconnect with your spouse regularly (I Cor. 7:1-5).
- Make sure you regularly walk by the person you are attracted to (Rom. 13:14).
- Dress and work out with them in mind.
- Throw out little verbal “feelers”.
- Steal away for clandestine lunches (John 3:19-21).
- Have sex.
- Lie to yourself.
Now that we have stopped that adulterous snowball from rolling down the hill of our marriage, last week we began to strengthen our marriage. We initiated “Nine Standards to be Stuck & Lovin’ it!”:
1. Love Jesus even more than your spouse (Eccl. 4:9-12).
2. Pray over and with your spouse (I Pet. 4:7).
3. Don’t try to change your spouse…change yourself (I Cor. 11:28).
4. Men, support her need for companionships and communication. Women, support his need to conquer.
This week let’s continue…
5. Fill your spouse’s emotional tank regularly (Rom. 12:25)!
Whatever you do, don’t be like the guy who tantalized his wife with a Christmas gift that would “go from 0-200 in under six seconds.” That Christmas morning the wife woke up with great expectancy thinking this was the day she would receive a beautiful red sports car! Her husband gave her a beautifully wrapped but medium-sized package. Immediately, the wife thought maybe the keys to this thing that “goes from 0-200 in under six seconds” are in this box! Excitedly, she opened up the package but to her chagrin, she found…a bathroom scale!
Never underestimate the power of a kind word! Remember this, if your emotional tank isn’t being filled at home…you’ll be susceptible elsewhere. Here are three ways to “fill her/him up”:
- Tell them how much you love them.
- Tell them how much they mean to you.
- Tell them what you appreciate about them.
Remember, this is rarely purely sexual…it begins between the ears! You see, someone who listens and is complimentary makes her feel not just like a mother and a cook, but a woman again! A woman who listens and compliments, takes him momentarily past being a dad and a provider, and he feels like a man again! They may sense warning signals, but dismiss them focusing in on how it makes them feel.
In a recent survey of 246 ministers who had fallen into adultery, they found four common denominators with these ministers:
- They had limited time with God.
- No accountability.
- Thought it would never happen to them.
- It came from counseling sessions.
Remember to fill her/his emotional tank regularly if you want a “high octane” marriage!
Whether you are on your first marriage or fifth marriage…let’s make it your last marriage! Let’s be “Stuck & Lovin’ it!”